So, right. A couple of days ago I got to experience Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures. I only played until about level 6 but what I did play, I enjoyed. It feels like, to me, a mix between World of Warcraft and Dead or Alive. Stay with me, the girls have big boobs and the attack system resembles that of an all-out, button mashing fighter. I intend to stay in this world for as long as I deem necessary. Which by looking at my World of Warcraft account, I’ll outstay my welcome.

A brief story about my early levels (with pictures!!!?!?!?!??!!)

This is Arona. She was very camera shy early on so this is near where I stopped for the night. She’s a Bear Shaman. She doesn’t look much like a shaman. Or a bear for that matter. But it’s early so I won’t complain.

After the jump: Bondage, boobs and Warcraft!

This is the girl you rescue early on. She was tied up. Bondage! Then, you have to escort her across the land to some fancy city. But, guess what?! It’s not just any path. It’s guarded by treacherous guys. Who knew?

There is this long path, winding and farm-fested, but I didn’t care to upload any of those shots because I’m too lazy and I’d like to talk about something else. A surprising twist that no one knew was coming because the character was not introduced at any point up to this and the attempt to “shock” the player is as failed as Mass Effect’s attempt to entice me with alien sex. If I wanted to have alien sex I’d go to a sci-fi convention. I digress.

Introducing…

A Xerxes cosplayer! I mean, your old slave master! Who could’ve guessed? At first, I thought he was a woman. High-voice, promise of nudity on the ESRB, man-boobs. Who would’ve guessed it was actually a man?

So, you kill Xerxes, but his key DOESN’T UNLOCK THE GATE!

Killing this guy does. He was easier than the three black guys (as in, not African American black. Some shadow-looking guys. I could care less.)

We finally reach the gates of the city and the girl “offers” me something once we get inside. So, I have to go find her if I want to take her up on said “offer”.

Now, I’m in the city. Level 6. Ready to go further.

Thoughts- Age of Conan vs. World of Warcraft

I hear many people complaining about the high requirements to run this game. I don’t see why. The requirements are minimal compared to most real games out there. I say real because 1) I know it will piss at least one person off; and 2) MMO’s are not real games because they are restricted to community, unlike other non-massive games where you can replay and replay without worrying about who else is there with you or a monthly payment. Just because we’ve all been running around in a game that even a computer from 1991 could run doesn’t mean you should expect every developer to make a game that could be run on a computer from 2006.

The truth is, Conan is not World of Warcraft. The first 6 levels I have not come in contact with a single person until I walked into the city. I’m not worried about interaction overall but one of the first things that made me amazed in World of Warcraft was walking into Stormwind and having gryphons flying overhead and dozens of people roaming around. And even in the starting are, there were many people fighting boars and collecting apples just like you.

In Age of Conan, it’s just you and your bondage prostitute friend. And what does she do? Cheer and holler when you hit someone with your stick.

The battle system is both good and bad. You hit 1, 2, 3 for swings from left, center and right. And from there each number is a different power attack. This is good fun but at the same time if something goes wrong and your game is randomly minimized or you’re in the middle of a boss fight and a cat starts scratching at you you’re basically screwed.

Sometimes, auto-attack is OK. So is many other things that someone has done. Many things work in World of Warcraft, but many developers flee from the thought of copying them like cockroaches when you turn the lights on. Implementation does not mean plagiarism. I wish developers would get that through their thick-”We have to revolutionize the industry!”-skulls.

To summarize: I hate games.